How is effective leadership an emotional process of regulating one's own anxiety?
I have noticed that a significant aspect of being an effective leader is the ability to control one's own anxieties. Leadership entails accepting challenges when things become difficult. It also involves delegating tasks effectively so that both you and the people around you do not feel overwhelmed by the workload. If a leader cannot regulate their own anxiety, it tends to escalate and affect the entire team. This, in turn, causes people to shut down or not value your leadership, ultimately leading to the failure of whatever project or idea you are trying to implement.
How is the self-differentiated leader equivalent to the emotional immune system of the organization?
A self-differentiated leader must be able to protect their team from those whose anxieties may hinder conflict resolution. In any project, there will be challenges, and it's crucial to remember that everyone has different ideals. A self-differentiated leader is capable of guiding a group through their diverse ideas and facilitating consensus.
Why do you need a strategy to deal with conversations that have high stakes, strong emotions, and differing opinions?
It is important to always have a strategy when dealing with a conversation that involves high stakes, strong emotions, and differing opinions because when the conversation is not well thought out, it can lead to misunderstandings and the loss of trust between individuals. I speak from experience on this one. When my husband and I started marriage counseling as part of our effort to improve communication in our relationship, our counselor gave us a key term to use when we needed to have a difficult conversation: 'Prepare your heart.' While I would not tell one of my staff members to 'prepare their hearts,' I would provide them with an understanding of what to expect. I would not lead them to believe it was just going to be a friendly conversation to touch base, only to start the discussion with their job performance concerns. This happened to me recently when I was blindsided by a member of my leadership team addressing the requirements of my position and expressing that, in her mind, my job was not my job at all. The conversation was so damaging to our relationship that it still has not fully recovered.
If you see that you want to work with both ideas, differentiated leadership and crucial conversations, which strategy have chosen to work with first and why?
I believe that differentiated leadership and crucial conversations should be used simultaneously. You can not be an effective leader if you can not communicate with your team. There will always be moments of tension that arise but being able to have the crucial conversations will allow the leader to take a step back and reevaluate. This way they can make sure that every conversation allows their team to feel safe to express their thoughts and ideas on the project.
References
Kaufaman, Alex. “Friedman’s Theory of Differentiated Leadership Made Simple.” YouTube, YouTube, 24 Aug. 2013, www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9H-i9lHr28.
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., Mcmillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high. Mcgraw-Hill Education.
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